The Great Deception

2001 – Was the worst year of my life so far, and hopefully the worst ever and contrary to what has been said, it had everything to do with the emotional abuse I endured in my struggle to determine what was reality and what was not because what Rodney told me DID NOT match what I saw going on around me. In 2001, my sense of reality was tested. I emerged from this dark period feeling like I was the most stable (emotional, financial and otherwise) and committed parent Nikque had and at the moment it wasn’t terribly comforting. Rodney had become consumed in his abusive, cruel, and uncaring behaviors and in a sense it was the best and worst thing that could have happened for me, because his behavior made me fight to make sure that he wasn’t the only parent Nikque would have either literally or figuratively. Regardless of how bad I felt at any moment in time, it felt worse to consider that Nikque would have to be raised by a person who appeared to be capable of nothing but anger, hostility, vengeance and malice. It would have been much easier to believe that his new attitude was strictly confined to me if he hadn’t left his daughter with me, behind a slammed door, frequently leaving the city, and at least once leaving the country while Nikque was left to be cared for by me alone battling with severe depression which was made worse by anti-depressants. Getting appropriate treatment was difficult and expensive as traditional medicine only recycled me through one anti-depressant combination after another. I went from anti-depressants, to hypnosis and from hypnosis to biofeedback and I learned that my “happy pill” was not a pill at all, but it carried the hefty price tag without insurance coverage. The time and money I spent in varying treatments for depression sparked compassion in me for people who don’t have resources that I did to explore the various treatments I underwent. I could have easily given up after I failed to experience significant improvement with as many as ten different combinations of anti-depressants, almost lost my job and felt completely hopeless day and night, but I would look into Nikque’ eyes to remind myself that I had to fight on and I began to use those sleepless nights for research. Failure wasn’t an option. Throughout my dark days and sleepless nights, I begin to investigate the causes of depression and conditions which were linked to depression and I attacked them one by one. One by one I was successful.