The System Can't Make A Parent!

Rodney did not want to be a parent, he did not want Nikque and he was furious when I didn’t terminate my pregnancy. That is not a criticism, it’s just a fact and it’s not something that I pass judgment on. Rodney has ALWAYS been free to walk away from this situation, money and all and make no mistake, that would be much easier for me, but I decided long ago that I would not make that choice for him or Nikque. Today, there is NO standard in which I can be convinced that his involvement in Nikque’ life is anything more than pride in not wanting to fall into they stereotypical black man, dead beat dad. I’ve heard some people say from time to time that Rodney seems to mean well, and while I admit I don’t agree, I don’t insist that I am right. But what I do know is that there comes a time when meaning well just isn’t enough. When you decided to leave your child at school without telling anyone that she is there, like Rodney did on December 10, 2004, how is that meaning well? You could argue that I should have known he wouldn’t pick her up because that wasn’t what the court order said, but you see, I can’t conceptualize that because I would drive past my daughter coming AND going and simply leave her there to be discovered. When he didn’t demonstrate the good judgment to notify me that Nikque had been in a car accident just in case, how is that well meaning. What on earth does it HURT to communicate that information EXPECIALLY if you aren’t going to be around to observe if anything is different? Who knows what would have happened if Nikque had gotten on an intense ride on the same day as that accident? Nobody’s knows, but her Dr. did know enough to advise that I observe for 48 hours before doing so and I knew enough to call the Dr. and ask. It’s easy enough to say “it’s only five minutes” and leave a child Nikque’ age sitting ALONE at a table at McDonald’s, but if I were to crawl into the mind of a child predator, I would expect that they might have lunch or dinner at McDonald’s every day just waiting for a “well meaning” parent like Rodney to leave their child alone for “five minutes” and in that five minutes, that child will be out with a pervert looking for a kitty. There are MANY, MANY medications that cannot be stopped cold turkey without serious side effects, yet “they” decided over Nikque’ vacation week from July 15^th to July 25^th that “they” would not give Nikque the medication that her doctor PRESCRIBED for her. Was there a simple call to the doctor’s office just to make sure there were no adverse affects to stopping the medication Cold Turkey? Apparently there was not. Rodney just isn’t ready. While I realized that only you have the benefit of having interviewed us all and reviewed the psychological testing that we all underwent at this point, I have read the documentation in this case, and I have LIVED the documentation in this case, and frankly, I can’t think of anything that Rodney has done for Nikque as a parent. If you separate out those thing that he said “I do, or I did” from those that he said “we do, or we did” as in he and Ursula, I wonder if you will be able to tell me what Rodney has done as a parent. Recently when I talk to Nikque about her father and it gets very negative, I will generally ask her to focus on something good, and when I ask her that usually I either get some response about Video Games, or Bicycling and when I hear that, sadly, I think to myself that’s on the level of some 12-15 years old and while I realize that there are parents that age, I don’t know ANYONE who thinks that a child will thrive in that environment. Not everyone reading this letter will know or believe that even Rodney’s apparent affection is nothing more than a recital of what affection is supposed to “look like”. Nikque is wise enough to see it and as proud as I am of the wisdom she possesses, I know it must be a burden for her. Once someone said to Nikque, “I think your daddy cares about you” and Nikque said, “well it sure doesn’t seem like it”. Tears filled my eyes, because I knew that Rodney probably had no idea that Nikque felt that way, and I could hear the pain in her voice and I though “When you’re just young, don’t you just assume that someone loves you because they say so?” Then I remembered that I had been teaching her since she was two years old, “Love is a Verb” and between the behavior he displayed on November 4, 2004 and the smiles Nikque refers to as fake, and a “Rodney Smile” in which I am very familiar, I know exactly what she is feeling. If Nikque was sixteen and we were talking about a boyfriend, what would we be advising her to do? The reality is that if Rodney REALLY wanted to spend time with his daughter, he would do so. Take a look at all the opportunities he has had to do so. The approximately 1,000 days that she spent at Fox Child Development Center, he could have seen her, but he didn’t. Over the past year, Rodney has managed to take AT LEAST four weeks off of work, how many of those days were dedicated JUST to spending time with Nikque? He testified in October 2004 that he could come and go from his job as he pleased, how many times did he COME to have lunch with his daughter and GO back to work. Or Leave the office early and spend the afternoon with his daughter? Did he stay an extra hour in the morning when he dropped her off or arrive a couple of hours early to pick her up on his Friday’s off? Again the answer is an resounding NO. At Brentwood, they welcomed parents for lunch, but it would appear that Rodney was never there. He used ever excuse under the sun to NOT take his Wednesday evening dinners, by refusing to pick her up only a few blocks from school. On at least five occasions Rodney has LITERALLY drove PAST where Nikque was and spent what was supposed to be his custodial time sitting at the police station. Psychology 101 suggest to me that conscious or subconscious, he was were he preferred to be and if he wasn’t where he preferred to be, then the alternative is much more ominous. Over the past year, I have wondered if Rodney is intentionally trying to cause me to loose my job, I again I request that in your recommendation, you don’t not grant him the power to continue to chip away at my ability to do my job. As a direct result of Rodney in his refusal to pick Nikque up from one place or another arbitrarily has not only caused me to receive the worst performance review I’ve had in more than fifteen years, it has caused me to receive a written warning for the first time EVER! When Rodney refuses to pick Nikque up on a day he was to have Wednesday night dinner, I have to leave work early and pick her up. Just this past week, he insisted on forcing me to come to the police station to pick Nikque up at 9am even though he was well aware that I am supposed to be at work at 9am thereby making sure that I was late to work. His excuse AFTER, I had already picked Nikque up was that since School was not in session, he would not drop her off at school (i.e. Page). Of course, at no time did the judge EVER specify that Brentwood was the only School where he should pick Nikque up. It is also quite obvious that his excuse that he is following court orders when he behaves in this manner is very obviously that, and excuse. If you refer to the e-mail exchange surrounding Labor Day 2004, you will see that this behavior begin before there was she ever attended a day of school at Brentwood and before there was any court order to exchange her a the police station. I have familiarized myself with the strict requirements that must be met to become a qualified 730 Custody Evaluator as I struggled to find the patience to allow this process to complete and no doubt that training has provided the knowledge to make recommendations that will not allow Rodney to destroy my livelihood (which very indirectly is also his) and very directly is Nikque livelihood. I have also been told that It is advisable that I specify what type of custody and visitation agreement I think is appropriate in my situation.