Children First - No Matter What!

When I got pregnant, I gave up unhealthy eating, something I had been unable t do before, but I knew my child was depending on me, so I stayed on track the entire time. I got good pre-natal care, kept my appointments and took my prenatal vitamins. When Nikque was born, I gave up my job as a traveling consultant to be there for her as best I could. I loved being a consultant and I loved the frequent flyer miles, but I loved Nikque more. When the job at Fox came along, I came to Fox for her to be in their state of the art, award winning preschool, the job I left was one I loved and frankly, I didn’t really expect Fox to be the dream job it turned out to be based on the interviews. When the costs of that preschool skyrocketed going from $467 /mo when she first enrolled to a final cost of $800 /mo when she left, I left her there knowing that stability was more important than money even though I had not budgeted for my day care costs to go up this much. I was always told it would go down as she got older. In addition to adequate insurance with trusted beneficiaries, I opened a custodial account so Nikque could have the future she dreamed of when she finished high school. Whether that’s college or something else, I wanted to have a little something for her. When she got $50 or $100 from family for birthdays and Christmas, I deposited that into her account and I put money in for her when I could. Today, that account has almost $10,000 in assets and it was me who researched and bought securities that grew, substantially for her benefit. I log on and show her the account and talk to her about what it is, what it’s for and what it means and I look forward to her learning to manage the investments herself sooner rather than later. I searched out healing for myself knowing that everything I did for her would mean a lot less if I couldn’t share it with her from depression to obesity to insomnia, I attacked them all and I won, that meant she won. I listen to her needs, hopes, dreams and desires with an open mind, knowing that she isn’t an extension of me, but her own person. And I resolved to support her instead of being a dream killer parent who would later wonder “what did I do wrong”? I learned that there are things we enjoy together and things we enjoy FOR each other but apart and that both can be equally rewarding. I enjoyed her glow when she was happy and it gave me strength. When I became a real single parent in October 2002, I didn’t drop the ball of parenting because it got bigger, but instead put down some of the responsibilities I had. Nights when I could work late virtually disappeared in an environment where the amount of time your face was seen in the office was directly related to promotions, raises and bonus regardless of productivity. I no longer had Monday nights free to clip coupons or Tuesday nights to go grocery shopping. So paying $10 to have my groceries delivered was a welcome alternative to the “no” sonnet that accompanied taking a toddler to the store. Day’s or evenings previously spent to tidy up gave way to calling cleaning services to come in as I left in the morning struggling to reach the office at 9am. Since I no longer worked into the late hours of the evening, 9:30am was hardly an acceptable start time. All these extra expenditures meant that the same paycheck didn’t stretch as far and still I managed to remain self sufficient although what started out as rapid growth at Fox came to a screeching halt with the changes in my life. Lunch with Nikque became an important part of her no longer crying at morning drop off when her dad was coming to pick her up that evening and usually took longer than an lunch “hour”. Having lunch with Nikque seemed a welcome occurrence for Nikque but day after day, week after week, month after month and frankly year after year, I kept wondering when I was going to run into Rodney also trying to have lunch with his daughter or when I returned with her, when would I run into to him stopping by to visit her, read a book to the class with Nikque on his knee or when he would be there to pick her up early and have dinner with her and found it ironic that he made up stories under oath about having “encountered me” there. Strange, that he felt he needed a court order to have dinner with Nikque on second and fifth Wednesday nights, he could have had dinner with her any day with or without my permission while she was in preschool and he NEVER did. Still today, Rodney is obsessed with spending time with Nikque at times when it will infringe on my ability to spend time with her, then, he projected those feelings onto me repeatedly claiming that I “vehemently insisted on keeping him from his daughter”. Something that is virtually impossible for me to do seeing as I work full time. After all was said and done, the Kindergarten came and went without him coming to have lunch with Nikque even ONCE! A time in which Brentwood welcomes parents to share with there children and something he could have done without any permission from me, a judge or anyone else. At Fox, I am not allowed to “come and go as I please” as Rodney testified he could on October 15, 2004, so I would have expected him there almost every day (I looked for his car on the few days I was able to have lunch with her), but it was never there. I offered her the opportunity to explore many different sports and activities knowing how much richer her life would be if she earned her living doing something she loved enough to do for charity and knowing that only a few people in life have that opportunity. And when she asked to try soccer, I welcomed the opportunity for her to enjoy this sport with her father, conscious that their relationship was deteriorating. It was me who suggested him as a volunteer referee for her league, thinking I dropped my two cents into the bucket. The season ended in regret for that recommendation as he failed to complete his commitment and failed to allow Nikque to complete the commitment she made to the tea when he refused to bring Nikque to or attend the last few games of the season. It was me who wrote the check for the activity and me who stayed away from the games in hopes of avoiding trouble. What trouble you might wonder; Ursula trouble.