The Sea Witch - The Step Monster

This letter would be incomplete if I didn’t address the problems with Ursula. I assumed that Rodney married Ursula when he took Nikque to New Jersey for what he called a “family wedding” in April 2003, and from that time (maybe even before), I no longer had to wonder why things didn’t work out between he and I and I was first really upset that I hadn’t seen the real Rodney in the time we had dated. I couldn’t understand how he could have fooled me so. For example, in the entire time that we dated, not once did Rodney speak to me the way he did on November 4, 2004, and that was mild compared to how he spoke to me in 2002. In MY personal and humble opinion, Ursula was bossy, overbearing, volatile, selfish and insecure. No man who was attracted to her would be genuinely interested in me. Rodney’s behavior and parenting changed drastically when she entered his life so it was easy to see that the he had allowed her to takeover his household including Nikque but in my view, if there is to be peace, Rodney MUST learn that he cannot give “carte blanche” to Ursula to have her way with Nikque. If he doesn’t make a decision or determination about Nikque, the right to do so DOES NOT default to Ursula. That can be complimented by her accepting that if I object to something and Rodney does not, it does NOT nullify my objection and the appropriate course of action for HER is to remain hands off. She does NOT have automatic “Power of Attorney” with regard to Nikque. Rodney also need to learn that he, Nikque and Ursula are not always “we” and that they are never and exclusionary “we”. I got a message from Rodney just recently that said “we have only seen Nikque for two hours since our vacation”. I don’t know that he even realizes that Ursula has absolutely NO RIGHTS, legal or otherwise to see, spend time with or make decisions on behalf of Nikque at all.

Ursula is the most frightening person I know. No adult I know has ever lost their temper so easily, no adult I know has overstepped their boundaries so significantly and no one I know has generated so much hate in another person that she has inspired in Nikque. I looked the other way in many cases until I couldn’t anymore. I do not like the way she dresses, very literally, I have seen her in shirts so sheer that NOTHING was left to the imagination, but I didn’t say anything until she told Nikque that one of her skirts were too long. I was fuming inside because I don’t want Nikque walking around dressed provocatively at fifteen years old and being whistled at by twenty five year old men. Maybe Rodney doesn’t care about those types of examples, but I do so I teach her modesty. If Ursula wants to wear her hair in dreadlocks, that’s her business, but when she sends Nikque home with knots in her hair that take me an hour to get out when my entire evening between getting home from work and bedtime is only 1 ½ hours, THEN it becomes my business because she’s is now stealing my time. If she wants to wear shorts so short that her bottom is showing, that’s her business, but it’s not her place to advise Nikque on the type of clothes she wears, especially at her age. It’s pure embarrassing to have her coming to Nikque’ school in shirts with her stomach showing with a belly button ring. In the Brentwood community, it’s considered low class and “ghetto”. I am way past pretending that these things don’t matter, because all I have to do is look around and observe the children who were admitted into a school like Brentwood, and it is NOT “that” type, not even if they can afford full tuition! The other mother’s DO NOT walk around dressed like that, no matter how good they think they look because there is a class standard and yes, people DO talk. Ultimately, like it or not, that only hurts Nikque and yes, it makes me angry, I am working double time and investing triple time to give Nikque the absolute best that I can, and along comes someone like this to cast a shadow on Nikque and create doubt as to whether Nikque is a “fit” as the saying goes. Maybe these words are extremely harsh and maybe they are offensive, most certainly they are things that we like to pretend aren’t not, but they are and I keep wondering when someone, when REGGIE is going to start putting Nikque’ interest first. I am relatively certain that he was raised better than that, so I can’t help but question his motivation as he makes choices that chip away at the opportunities that I fight to give Nikque. Please do not mistake this as an attack or a judgment on Ursula. She’s a grown woman, who can do as she pleases and I really could care less, but between now and Nikque becoming an adult, Rodney COULD potentially have five wives and an infinite number of girlfriends and no matter what values or ideas they may hold, it is ultimately Rodney who MUST understand that it is his responsibility to draw proper boundaries for the women in his life if he is to be an effective parent. The very same standard should be applied to his mother, father, brother, sister aunts uncles or anyone else and guess what, it also applies to everyone in my family and in my life as well. Every member of my family knows that they have to respect my wishes and boundaries with regard to me and to Nikque and thankfully they understand that. I have also given that same respect to Rodney. I have never made a significant decision in Nikque’ life without letting him know of my plans or asking him if it was okay for that matter. He has simply never bothered to comment or even object, just sabotage after Ursula came into his life. So unless he expects me to believe that he suddenly became a completely different person coinciding with the arrival of Ursula in his life and he just HAPPEN to become HER, I am fully able to tell what is actually coming from Rodney and what is simply a pass through from Ursula.